A caring community
On shabbat 21st July we had a special Shabbat on the Hill to hear from some of our members who have been befriending other members as part our Community Cares programme. Here are a few snippets from the addresses that we heard.
“Hello everyone, I wanted to tell you about my experience of befriending. I met Gertrude a year or so ago and have been visiting her every few weeks for about a year. I wasn’t sure what to expect when I started befriending – I suppose I imagined someone very quiet and lonely and frail. Gertrude is far from quiet with a very lively sense of humour and a repertoire of very funny stories from when she was younger. She has a great memory and not only talks about the good old days but is up with politics and world events. She loves watching TV and is more adept at sorting out the Sky box than I am. There are no flies on her! Due to her physical health issues she doesn’t really go out apart from very occasionally for a special event with her family which I think is frustrating for her.
It is a rewarding experience taking part in befriending and is very much 2 way. As much as she benefits from having someone there to visit and listen to her, she is very entertaining and it’s so interesting hearing about her life from pre-war times. A few times I took my children which Gertrude particularly enjoyed and it was good for them as my children benefited from interaction with an older person who wasn’t family. It left a positive impression on them which can only be good. I would thoroughly recommend befriending.”
“Befriending is a two way street. Shakespeare said it best (even though he was on about ‘mercy’, the principle is the same).
The quality of mercy is not strained
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven upon the place beneath
It is twice blest- it blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
Not perhaps so gender appropriate for our times but perhaps we could forgive the National Bard on this occasion.
Befriending is not just visiting. It is genuinely a ‘getting to know’ process- where the visitor looks forward to the visit as much as the visited. It becomes a learning and sharing experience on both sides like every other friendship. Listening skills are key- especially in the early stages and identifying common interests very useful. An example of that is a common interest in poetry and every so often I will take a poetry book with me and we will choose something for a short poetry reading – to our mutual pleasure. I try to make visits as regular as possible, and if for some reason I can’t come – eg holidays, illness etc, then I always try to communicate that ahead of time. Loneliness can be a serious problem and making people feel valued and needed is giving them respect- just as I would want it for myself.
I am very glad that I was asked to be part of the befriending team and hope that those who I visit (or have visited) have got as much out of it as I have received myself.”
“When the Community Care Helpline was first set up many years ago by the fondly remembered Stella Sandzer z”l , we tried to let the community know that help was available at the end of a telephone to anyone in need. Only very few members ever asked for help, and we had only very limited facilities, people or training to provide, to those who did.
Now the whole organisation has grown and blossomed into a super-efficient body of helpers with communication skills and expertise in a wide range of different areas.
When, two years ago, my wife Rita was in Intensive Care for several weeks, I was the grateful recipient of these skills and services. Afraid that I would become emaciated, I was constantly asked what food I would like brought round, with helpful suggestions made. At that time I had no head for making any sort of mundane decisions as to what I would like to eat. A rota was organised and containers of food were delivered to me at a time that I would be in, or left hanging on my front door handle by prior arrangement.
Enquiries about Rita’s progress were constant.
The kindness and the practical awareness of the needs of someone in distress were fantastic, and this also contributed to supporting the rest of my family, knowing that I was receiving nutritious meals on a regular basis.
My heartfelt thanks to all concerned.
Muswell Hill is indeed a Caring Community.”
Ian Binder
Interested in befriending or need a visit
If you would like to befriend a member of the community or if you would like to have a regular visitor please email the Community Cares team or phone the shul office.