What about Batmitzvah Girls? – United Synagogue Women

This week I was asked to be on a panel at a seminar run by United Synagogue women, on the issue of girls and Batmitzvah. This was a fascinating evening and a challenging one as well, with the panel consisting of Rebbetzin Rachie Binstock from St Johns Wood Synagogue, Nicky Goldman and Sandy Littman. Rebbetzin Binstock talked about her many years of experience teaching girls batmitzvah and also about her relatively new programme allowing women who never had a batmitzvah when they were 12 years old, to celebrate this rite of passage at an older age and to go on a learning course before the event itself. I have to say I was quite inspired to hear how successful this programme had been and would love to bring it to Muswell Hill. Sandy Littman talked about her experiences when she was younger in New York, and Nicky Goldman explained the innovative way she had constructed the batmitzvah on Shabbat for her daughter, who gave a synopis of the Parasha before the Torah was taken out, and then after kiddush gave her well constructed Dvar Torah to those who returned in to the Synagogue.

Then it was my turn and I pulled on my experiences in both Kingston and Muswell Hill Synagogues. I talked about the importance of dialogue with the family of a batmitzvah girl and the choices that exist to celebrate it. I talked about the various options from Friday night, to Shabbat morning and to Sunday; as well as explaining how we created a batmitzvah at the end of the service where the family all sit downstairs and bless the family. This is so popular with the many guests that have come to Muswell Hill Synagogue who sense how inclusive it is to the whole family and I explained to the group of men and women how we also have the mother make the blessing which releases her from religious responsibility for her child.

There were numerous questions. Some questioned the boundaries of halacha with relation to batmitzvah services and what can be done. This is a tricky area. What we do know is that the discussion over batmitzvah has now moved on from many years ago. There was a time when it used to be ‘should one allow batmitzvah’. Then it was ‘should we allow a batmitzvah on Shabbat’. Now it is ‘how is it best to celebrate the batmitzvah’. But there are limits and there are boundaries and I made the point that we should not bring up our girls to feel that Orthodoxy is letting them down because of these boundaries. If we create this negative sense then we should not be surprised if they leave Orthodoxy when they are older.  There is diversity within the United Synagogue on how batmitzvah is celebrated. But there need to be boundaries which ensure that minority opinions that most reject do not become the norm in our community.

More women today want ritual involvement in the Synagogue, and I am not clear that that is something that is essentially problematic. I explained how when I was a teenager, I was always inspired by how I was encouraged to be more involved in leading services or layening. But after University and after my seven years in yeshiva, I understood the differences that halacha lays out for a man and a woman in terms of their ritual involvement. Halacha is real to me and to all religious Jews, and so these differences are real. Yes it makes things difficult; yes it makes it tough to reconcile how modern women feel with the world of halacha. But I am not interested in sidelining halacha because of feminism; and I am also not interested in rejecting the desire of women for more inclusion where possible. And so for me, the megilla reading by women for women in our Synagogue was a great success. It carries much more halachic support; and it allowed women together to fulfil a mitzvah and be included in learning the skill that is needed for its performance.

But to end we must not forget one thing. Batmitzvah should be a learning experience, where girls learn new concepts and ideas, find new role models and even develop new abilities to relate to text. Without this, any feminist desire in my mind is empty.

So I enjoyed my lone male voice on the panel this week and would like to thank US Women for what they are doing. The discussion, debate and conversation is welcome.